Am I allowed to do this? Days after writing that last blog entry, I was asked to put together a talk on something that was pretty close to my thinking and heart at the time. The title of the talk was:
“Disciples & Ambassadors: In & Out of Season”
While putting this talk together, I realised that a lot of the stuff I said in that last blog, I don’t necessarily agree with anymore. The biggest thing that struck me is that I really don’t think there is this mysterious question of “What can I do differently?” Sure, I’m sure there’s something that I’m doing that I could be doing better, but the point seems to be that I was looking for an easy way out. A way to “do” spirituality that was easy for me, and really made me want to engage all the time, a way that was never difficult or found me struggling from time to time.
I think in this time of preparation for this talk I realised something, and it’s something I think I’ve always known, but have also always struggled with! The Christian walk is not an easy one. It’s not one in which we can wander through life on this perpetual cloud of happiness, always feeling like we’re on top of the world, and if I try to make it this, then I’m pulling the wool over my eyes.
I think the challenge for me right now is to figure out how to have a good relationship with God all the time, whether I’m in one of these good seasons and times of my life, or in the middle of a bad one.
I distinctly remember a few times over the last six or seven years when I just couldn’t get inspired to read the Bible. I’d go into town and into one or the other Christian bookshops and see a new Bible, in a different cover, whether it had some cool new name or a shiny metallic cover. I would think to myself, “If I had THAT Bible, I would read it every day!” I was thinking that I’d be so inspired to read it because it looked cool. But the thing was that I would get home, and a few days later, the book that had seemed so new and exciting had now just become normal, my “new Bible” had just become one of a growing collection sitting in a pile gathering dust.
So where am I going with this? I think it all comes down to the fact of what do I value? More than anything I value relationship with God. But the sad truth is that I am a human being, made of flesh, and the flesh that I inhabit on this earth struggles sometimes with what my spirit longs to be doing.
There are no easy answers here. There’s no magical way I can click my fingers and suddenly find the perfect way to have relationship with God. Rather, it’s going to take perseverance, commitment and dedication to this goal. The very least I can say about this is that I’m willing to give it a go.
You should also know that I went bowling with the youth group I help out at the other night. While we were there, I realised that this “new” way of bowling I told you about last time wasn’t all that great after all. I think I was happier (if not a little bit better) in my ignorance of the past 23 years!
Saturday, 26 January 2008
Sunday, 6 January 2008
Ten-pin bowling...with a lesson
A fellow YWAM staffer on the base here, Ramy, and I, can quite often be found in ‘Glengormley Superbowl’ on a Monday or Tuesday, when they have a “two for one” bowling offer on those days. It’s a good time of getting away for night out, and a chance to talk through our weeks and what’s going on in our lives.
This past week opened my eyes to something I did not know.
Apparently for the last 22 (nearly 23 for anyone who’s counting ☺) years of my life, I have been bowling the wrong way! I have always wondered how people manage to get so much power behind the bowling ball, and always blamed my lack of dedication to an upper body weights routine! But, I realised this week it’s because I have been bowling (try to imagine this…) throwing the ball with the back of my hand pointed towards the pins, instead of my palm facing upwards after I let go of the ball.
Hopefully that makes sense. But if not, it doesn’t really matter! Long story short, I’ve been bowling wrong, and there’s a much better way to do it! I discovered a way that seems to work a lot better, a way that provides me with a lot better chance of getting rid of those pesky pins.
In the same way, I’ve realised that I’m on a bit of a hunt for a new way of doing “relationship” with God. For a lot of my life, my relationship with God has been, for lack of a better word, “cyclical”. I am generally hot or cold in my interaction with our creator, either finding it hard to escape from his presence and the knowledge that he is closer than the air around us, or else, finding it hard to imagine he’s there at all.
I’m not sure why this is, but I know that this isn’t the way God intended His relationship with us to be. One thing I know for sure is that it doesn’t have anything to do with God, no matter what we do, he doesn’t desert us, or leave us abandoned to ourselves. So that leaves me to the conclusion that it must have something to do with the way I’m relating to Him.
What, the question is, can I do differently?
That’s a question I’m not quite able to answer just yet I don’t think! I’m trying to explore God in new ways, discover Him in places I didn’t expect. I think a big part of this journey is seeing God in every aspect of my life. If I try to compartmentalise my life, saying “this is the ‘God’ part and this is ‘my’ bit” then I’m leaving Him out of something pretty serious. God doesn’t want a part of our life, he wants our everything, but this is something that’s pretty easy to say and can be difficult to put into practice!
As for now, I realise that there’s so much more to explore about my relationship with God. I realise I don’t have it sorted, and I doubt (in fact I’m SURE) I won’t have it sorted this side of eternity. But one thing I’m sure about is that there are ways of meeting God that I haven’t explored, and these are the ones I’m interested in. Seeing God in new places and experiencing Him in ways I didn’t think I could!
Here’s to 22 years of bowling like an eejit, and 22 more of discovering that there’s so much more to God than what we see or know now.
This past week opened my eyes to something I did not know.
Apparently for the last 22 (nearly 23 for anyone who’s counting ☺) years of my life, I have been bowling the wrong way! I have always wondered how people manage to get so much power behind the bowling ball, and always blamed my lack of dedication to an upper body weights routine! But, I realised this week it’s because I have been bowling (try to imagine this…) throwing the ball with the back of my hand pointed towards the pins, instead of my palm facing upwards after I let go of the ball.
Hopefully that makes sense. But if not, it doesn’t really matter! Long story short, I’ve been bowling wrong, and there’s a much better way to do it! I discovered a way that seems to work a lot better, a way that provides me with a lot better chance of getting rid of those pesky pins.
In the same way, I’ve realised that I’m on a bit of a hunt for a new way of doing “relationship” with God. For a lot of my life, my relationship with God has been, for lack of a better word, “cyclical”. I am generally hot or cold in my interaction with our creator, either finding it hard to escape from his presence and the knowledge that he is closer than the air around us, or else, finding it hard to imagine he’s there at all.
I’m not sure why this is, but I know that this isn’t the way God intended His relationship with us to be. One thing I know for sure is that it doesn’t have anything to do with God, no matter what we do, he doesn’t desert us, or leave us abandoned to ourselves. So that leaves me to the conclusion that it must have something to do with the way I’m relating to Him.
What, the question is, can I do differently?
That’s a question I’m not quite able to answer just yet I don’t think! I’m trying to explore God in new ways, discover Him in places I didn’t expect. I think a big part of this journey is seeing God in every aspect of my life. If I try to compartmentalise my life, saying “this is the ‘God’ part and this is ‘my’ bit” then I’m leaving Him out of something pretty serious. God doesn’t want a part of our life, he wants our everything, but this is something that’s pretty easy to say and can be difficult to put into practice!
As for now, I realise that there’s so much more to explore about my relationship with God. I realise I don’t have it sorted, and I doubt (in fact I’m SURE) I won’t have it sorted this side of eternity. But one thing I’m sure about is that there are ways of meeting God that I haven’t explored, and these are the ones I’m interested in. Seeing God in new places and experiencing Him in ways I didn’t think I could!
Here’s to 22 years of bowling like an eejit, and 22 more of discovering that there’s so much more to God than what we see or know now.
Snow and a Retreat
Last Thursday night brought us the gift of snow! We had a great time playing in the snow with our students and introducing our South African student, Precious, to snow, which she’d never seen before! (I introduced her by putting a full snowball down her back…I’m working to getting her to forgive me for that one!) Our mature years also didn’t stop us from engaging in an impromptu snowball fight with some of the neighbourhood kids.
Here’s some pictures from our side of the city:
The snow continued through the night, and I later found out that our area of Belfast saw a particularly deep snowfall.
This made for a decision to be made concerning our staff retreat which was scheduled to happen in the other YWAM base in Northern Ireland, Closkelt.
Closkelt is situated in the middle of the countryside just outside of Banbridge, which we assumed would make an interesting drive in this weather! It went ahead though, and we were surprised to see the snow having melted mostly outside of Belfast and the country relatively green again!
YWAM Closkelt
We were in Closkelt for only one night, but it was a great time of fellowship between the two bases, and a chance for us to get onto the same page and vision for the future of YWAM in Northern Ireland and further afield.
The vision of Jonny, our national director was that these two bases would be 2 parts of a greater family, and it feels like this is taking place through these meetings we’re having and time spent building up something special between our two bases.
Here’s some pictures from our side of the city:
The snow continued through the night, and I later found out that our area of Belfast saw a particularly deep snowfall.
This made for a decision to be made concerning our staff retreat which was scheduled to happen in the other YWAM base in Northern Ireland, Closkelt.
Closkelt is situated in the middle of the countryside just outside of Banbridge, which we assumed would make an interesting drive in this weather! It went ahead though, and we were surprised to see the snow having melted mostly outside of Belfast and the country relatively green again!
YWAM Closkelt
We were in Closkelt for only one night, but it was a great time of fellowship between the two bases, and a chance for us to get onto the same page and vision for the future of YWAM in Northern Ireland and further afield.
The vision of Jonny, our national director was that these two bases would be 2 parts of a greater family, and it feels like this is taking place through these meetings we’re having and time spent building up something special between our two bases.
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