A Retraction...

Am I allowed to do this? Days after writing that last blog entry, I was asked to put together a talk on something that was pretty close to my thinking and heart at the time. The title of the talk was:

“Disciples & Ambassadors: In & Out of Season”

While putting this talk together, I realised that a lot of the stuff I said in that last blog, I don’t necessarily agree with anymore. The biggest thing that struck me is that I really don’t think there is this mysterious question of “What can I do differently?” Sure, I’m sure there’s something that I’m doing that I could be doing better, but the point seems to be that I was looking for an easy way out. A way to “do” spirituality that was easy for me, and really made me want to engage all the time, a way that was never difficult or found me struggling from time to time.

I think in this time of preparation for this talk I realised something, and it’s something I think I’ve always known, but have also always struggled with! The Christian walk is not an easy one. It’s not one in which we can wander through life on this perpetual cloud of happiness, always feeling like we’re on top of the world, and if I try to make it this, then I’m pulling the wool over my eyes.

I think the challenge for me right now is to figure out how to have a good relationship with God all the time, whether I’m in one of these good seasons and times of my life, or in the middle of a bad one.

I distinctly remember a few times over the last six or seven years when I just couldn’t get inspired to read the Bible. I’d go into town and into one or the other Christian bookshops and see a new Bible, in a different cover, whether it had some cool new name or a shiny metallic cover. I would think to myself, “If I had THAT Bible, I would read it every day!” I was thinking that I’d be so inspired to read it because it looked cool. But the thing was that I would get home, and a few days later, the book that had seemed so new and exciting had now just become normal, my “new Bible” had just become one of a growing collection sitting in a pile gathering dust.

So where am I going with this? I think it all comes down to the fact of what do I value? More than anything I value relationship with God. But the sad truth is that I am a human being, made of flesh, and the flesh that I inhabit on this earth struggles sometimes with what my spirit longs to be doing.

There are no easy answers here. There’s no magical way I can click my fingers and suddenly find the perfect way to have relationship with God. Rather, it’s going to take perseverance, commitment and dedication to this goal. The very least I can say about this is that I’m willing to give it a go.



You should also know that I went bowling with the youth group I help out at the other night. While we were there, I realised that this “new” way of bowling I told you about last time wasn’t all that great after all. I think I was happier (if not a little bit better) in my ignorance of the past 23 years!